Various abrupt mood swings. Unavoidable suicidal thoughts. Severe BDD (i dont think it's severe.... i know what i look like, im not exaggerating, i truly am the size of a rhino.) Inordinate OCD. Irrational paranoia. Completely unstable.
Do i want to be normal? No. Do i want to be stable, and anchored? More than anything.
*not so sure where this is going, i just need to vent....*
Well... i'm starting group therapy in two weeks, which will follow along with my regular one on one sessions. Maybe group therapy will help.... i hope. Junior year will keep me quite busy, and im hoping that'll help.. though keeping busy really doesn't do much anymore.... I dunno, nothing seems to help... i'm afraid i'll feel this way forever, with no glimmer of light at the end of this hell bent tunnel. Fuck, i hate this, i hate everything that comes along with feeling this way (no sleep, no motivation, no happiness, stress, no will to continue living) I just want to be happy... i just want to be okay... ugh. R-A-Z-O-R!
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