this was a fail.

So it's either im growing as a person, breaking out of my cold shell, and stepping into the light, or the zoloft. 

I'm thinking it's the meds. (considering my dosage just recently increased.)

But okay, so what if it's just the pills? They're working, and im feeling almost halfway close to being sort of okay, so, that's what counts. Right?

I'm kind of..... scratch that, REALLY scared/anxious/apprehensive/worried/horrified for the recent/immediate future. I've been having dreams. Bad, sad, dreams, and, from experience i know that they mean something bad, and i know they are never wrong.... And sure, she's on meds, she's crazy and now she's having "dreams", it sounds ludicrous but im not kidding. (and before you read any further ill just have you know my dreams are not of that that predict an apocalypse or earth shattering event or some hallaboloo like that, they just usually hint an upcoming event in my own life, much like foreshadowing in literature, or womens intuition) and so i've been on edge lately. Blah.

i'm..... sitting here, avoiding school work, listening to country music (don't ask.) and attempting to calm my nerves, so forgive me if this is messy, boring, and a complete and utter fail. 

Auditions for 12 angry jurors is tomorrow. I have yet to memorize the monologue, and fml i just know i am going to screw this up. Stars guide me. Ugh.

i dooon't know where this is going.....

i'm nervous and scared and i dont know what to do, i just want to type, whatever pops into my head to be transfered into the laptop and serving as an unfortunately failing release.

I feel.. unwanted, unloved, pathetic, stupid, psychotic, unimportant, and all the feelings that come along with the previous adjectives. 

i cant make this make sense. bye for now, i'll try again later. maybe...